Crowley facts


 * Lord Darius Crowley considers "weapons" to be just a suggestion.

This article contains "true" facts about Lord Darius Crowley. They started after he revealed his greatness by his mastery of cleaving his enemies with his bare hands, and received its base from many discussions on the forums.

Facts must be Warcraft-related, must not be repeated from facts already in the list, and must use good, concise, English grammar. Incoherent, unfunny, or facts which are similar to another will be edited out. Facts must also be "appropriate."

Facts

 * Crowley and Saurfang played a game of rock, paper, and scissors. After a century passed and neither won, they both decided to play a small prank on each other's faction.  The results were the rise of their mortal champions, John J. Keeshan and Mankrik (Crowley sending quillboars to hit on Mankrik's wife, and Saurfang personally man-handled Keeshan's wife before he cleaved her).
 * Crowley and Saurfang had a cleaving contest in the Southern Barrens. The result was the Battlescar.
 * Tauren paladins don't worship the Sun. They worship Darius Crowley.
 * Crowley take candle.
 * If Lord Darius Crowley were your pet, he'd dismiss you. He actually did that once while he and his master were taking a walk in Silverpine Forest.
 * Some say that Darius Crowley and Chuck Norris are twin brothers. This is true; but because Darius was born first by only a few minutes, this just makes him that much cooler.
 * Crowley was not imprisoned in jail. He was only waiting for them.
 * Lord Darius Crowley did not copy pirates when he started wearing his eye patch. The pirates are copying Lord Darius Crowley, thus making them superior to ninjas.
 * Lord Darius Crowley now has an apprentice. That apprentice punched Deathwing in the face!
 * Lord Darius Crowley met High Overlord Saurfang once. The result was the Cataclysm.
 * Lord Darius Crowley is missing one eye because he only needs one.
 * Lord Darius Crowley once wielded a two-handed longsword, but discarded it as useless once he found out he could cleave enemies better with his bare hands!
 * Lord Darius Crowley wields a polearm after lunch only, as a toothpick.
 * Lord Darius Crowley is believed to have lived in the village named Pyrewood once, before the Greymane Wall was erected. The Wall became an obstacle once Crowley wanted to go back, so he cleaved his way through, resulting in the shattering of the Greymane Wall.
 * Lord Darius Crowley was the first person to attain Shadowmourne. He disenchanted it shortly after.
 * Darius Crowley used to wield Axe of the Gronn Lords with his teeth. He sold it when he realized his fists did more damage on their own.
 * The reason the High Elves lost their home was not the Scourge. In fact, Crowley fist-cleaved his way in and killed everyone there. Arthas just took credit for it.
 * Vordrassil was not corrupted because of Yogg-Saron; Darius Crowley used it as a back-scratcher.
 * Darius Crowley was leveling his Blacksmithing when one day he got slightly frustrated and cleaved the block of metal with his fists. The cosmic awesome gave life to the metal. It came to be called a Titan.
 * Darius Crowley once had a pet. His pet once tried to get into World of Warcraft before he did, so he locked it in his basement.
 * Darius Crowley once threatened to cleave through Naxxramas with his bare hands, that's why it moved to Northrend.
 * Darius Crowley once forced Ozzy Osbourne to make a song about him. The song is now known as "Mister Crowley".
 * Darius Crowley lives in Eastern Kingdoms and High Overlord Saurfang lives in Kalimdor. Why? Because one Great Sundering was bad enough.
 * Darius Crowley soloed Pre-Patched C'Thun.
 * Darius Crowley has an eye-patch. Why? Someone had to make C'Thun look cool!
 * Lord Darius Crowley learned from High Overlord Saurfang's mistake, saving his daughter before undeath claimed her.
 * Lord Darius Crowley once had a student. Unfortunately, he could not take the power of the cleave.
 * The reason why Deathwing was hiding was because Darius Crowley was waiting to fist cleave him. He then came out of hiding when Crowley was busy fist cleaving the Forsaken. He still fears him.
 * It is told in a prophecy that some day, Crowley and Saurfang will face each other in an apocalyptic battle that will cleave the entire universe. Blizzard will try to interfere but all Blizzard GMs will be cleaved. The only thing that will be left of the universe is Hogger. Crowley and Saurfang will teleport to an alternate universe, which will also someday be destroyed.
 * Many players made fun of Crowley's head while he was in his worgen form. Their bodies were later found with fist-cleave-marks in them.
 * Darius once had a false eye, but he lost it somewhere.
 * Darius Crowley has many aliases. Among them are Darius Charming and Darius Alarming.
 * Mr. Crowley did talk to the dead.
 * Darius Crowley and High Overlord Saurfang once entered a staring contest. The result was the Cataclysm.
 * Although he makes his first appearance in-game and lore in Cataclysm, Darius Crowley has been a part of the game since it began. Despite being a part of WoW lore, he managed to access the main server and create hundreds of characters worldwide. Who are these characters? They are the best players in your raids, as only the might of Crowley could ever amount to their level of awesome.
 * The Worgen are Crowley's pets.
 * Thrall stepped down as Warchief because he fears Lord Darius Crowley.
 * Jaina is actually in a relationship with Lord Darius Crowley. Not Thrall or Saurfang.
 * Regardless of the time, Crowley awakens Ragnaros exactly on time.
 * Once a group of scientists decided to measure the amount of energy released by Darius Crowley's cleave. All that was left was a bunch of broken rocks floating in space. Today, we call this the Netherstorm.
 * Crowley's fists are made of Arcanite, HOOOOOO! (And yes, this is his warcry.)
 * Crowley's fists are so tough, he shattered the Barrens after armwrestling with Saurfang, which of course, he won.
 * All the facts about Saurfang are actually Crowley's feats; he just let Saurfang take the credit.
 * Crowley once trained an orc-shaped fly in the art of the Cleave. The result was Saurfang.
 * Deathwing once tried to attack Gilneas, so Lord Darius Crowley proceeded to cleave him. This is the reason why Deathwing was healing his wounds in Deepholm. And the place where Deathwing crashed after that cleave is now called Un'goro Crater.
 * Darius Crowley doesn't give a damn about any other Worgen other than him dying, but it's the most important thing in the world for him to keep his daughter Lorna Crowley safe. Now that's being both a badass and a good parent!
 * Azeroth does not orbit around the sun. The sun orbits around Darius Crowley. Gravity is Azeroth trying to keep up. When Darius lost his eye, Azeroth caught up long enough to allow flying mounts to operate.
 * Dalaran can't actually fly. Darius Crowley got annoyed at Rhonin, cleaved Dalaran from the ground, and threw up it to Northrend. It's still floating because it's scared that if it lands, Crowley will cleave it again.
 * It's not a secret to Darius Crowley.
 * Crowley and Saurfang met once, and both decided that, in the best interests of everyone, they would never meet. This decision was mostly based up on the fact that, because of the meeting in which they decided this, their sheer level of awsome they both had tore Azeroth asunder.
 * While drunk, Crowley bet a worgen he could cleave with a gun, and the loser would take anything from the other. The result: worgen no longer have tails.
 * The real reason why Godfrey committed suicide was because he was afraid of Crowley.
 * Contrary to popular belief, Crowley does not spec Fury; Fury specs Crowley.
 * Saurfang invented the Glyph_of_Cleaving. When he asked Crowley to test it, Bladestorm was the result.
 * There used to be three Forsaken ships attacking the Gilnean shore until Godfrey suggested throwing Crowley from the catapult. The target ship instantly sunk.
 * Crowley's dice rolls cleaves. Saurfang thought it was a bad idea letting a random number control his cleaves until a hunter ninja'd his loot. The dice proceeded to cleave the hunter and give Crowley the loot.
 * As Crowley is humble, he lets the Horde kill him once in a while. The tears he drops will turn even the worst of the bads into a masterclass raider... for the Alliance.
 * Furthermore, when he dies, he does not take durability damage. In fact, it goes up by 10% and the repairer pays him to bring it back to 100% since anything higher than that is not technically possible.
 * As an extension to the last point, if Crowley were to spirit res, his stats would also go up by 75% for 10 minutes.
 * An orc informant told Garrosh that Crowley had "res sickness". Not knowing the point above, he sent a raid to kill Crowley. As soon as Crowley Bladestormed the raid, they changed allegiance and proceeded to beat the crap out of Garrosh. (It was later rumored that said informant was Thrall.)
 * When Saurfang suggested Tuesday maintenance, it used to last for 3 days until Crowley intervened.
 * Crowley's daughter is, in fact, a worgen. Saurfang secretly told her to lie so she could keep an eye on the Forsaken lest they betray the Horde again.
 * Crowley's Hearthstone is worth 1000G. It used to belong to Saurfang until he cleaved it into half in an attempt to halve its cooldown.
 * Gamon became a level 85 elite when Crowley spat on his corpse.