NeutralChristy Punchcog
Image of Christy Punchcog
Title <Upgrade Specialist>
Gender Female
Race Mechagon mechagnome (Humanoid)
Level 50
Reaction Alliance Horde
Affiliation(s) Rustbolt Resistance
Location Rustbolt, Mechagon Island
Status Alive

Christy Punchcog is a Mechagon mechagnome located in Rustbolt on Mechagon Island.

She promised Smiles Cracklekey new hands.







I don't want to be rude, but have you considered extensive mechanization as an alternative to your current state?

I assure you, there is vast room for improvement in almost every way.

When you've already hit rock bottom...

Gossip Tell me more about the  [Pocket-Sized Computation Device].

The pocket-sized computation device is very customizable. You can insert a punch card into one of the slots on it, and the cards will modify the performance you get.
I based the design on King Mechagon's own personal device. You can even use his punch cards, if you can get one.

Gossip What improvements could mechanization offer me?

  • Your eyesight is average. That is to say, unacceptable.
We should replace them with fully mechanical visual scanning devices that can be upgraded via remote software upgrades every week.
  • Your skin is fine, but it could be incredible.
I recommend you reinforce it with some sort of... sentient elastic metal... that I'm trying to... invent as I say... this sentence...
<Christy's face contorts as she struggles to think harder before letting out a massive exhale.>
Nope, didn't get it. Check back with me tomorrow. It'd be a terrific upgrade for you!
  • Imagine your arms... but, now, instead of arms... they're FLAMETHROWERS!
  • You are slower than a motorcycle.
Let's replace your entire lower half with a big ol' motorcycle.
We can make it whatever color you want. We'll get in all the science journals.
You want to pop wheelies while you're chasing down bad guys? I'm in! Let's do this!
  • You and your 29 best friends should install connective brain implants that allow you to strategize, gossip, and occasionally insult each other at all times, no matter where you are!
If you go for the super-deluxe edition, you can even transmit hilarious photographs to each other!
  • As you know, I strongly believe that most things can be improved through technology...
But in your case, I believe it's actually ALL things.
Let's start at the bottom and work our way up.
How attached, would you say, are you to those feet?
  • I've never recommended a full head replacement before... but maybe this is the time to try it.
  • You look tired. You should install energy cells around your heart.
That way, when it needs a break, just power it down and have the energy cells take over and power your body until your heart comes back online.
You'll need to remove some organs to make room for al the energy cells, but I'm sure we could replace most of those with smaller mechanical versions too.
Gossip Thank you for your candid advice.
Whatever your question is, mechanization is the answer!
Gossip I'm perfect just the way I am!
You have a funny definition of perfect.

The Other Place

I'm going to be blunt, your existence here is quite suspect!

Either you are an agent of King Mechagon, or you have impressive mechanization that I am unaware of.

Either way, I will be watching you very closely.

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