This article is a copy of "Ask Auntie Fizzle", an official article by Blizzard Entertainment located in the "Gadgetzan Times" of the old website.

Ask Auntie Fizzle

Auntie Fizzle

Auntie Fizzle Goblinseer is a venerable goblin writing for The Gadgetzan Times. With her broad life experiences, she now answers all your questions about life, the universe and everything.

Dear Auntie Fizzle,

Since succumbing to the plague some years ago, I have since risen as an undead. Mostly I have found the benefits of the condition to outweigh the disadvantages. But one problem remains: my hair! No matter what I do with it, my once gorgeous hair now sticks out everywhere, in all directions. Any attempts to comb it just results in clumps falling out. Auntie Fizzle, what can I do?

Ms Helga Parker, Undercity.

Greetings Helga,

Unfortunately, being a zombie can have a negative effect on one's appearance. There are a few things you could do though. Perhaps you could shave all your hair off? Being a bald undead is quite in fashion at the moment. Or you could try washing large amounts of super-sticky glue into your hair. Once in place it won't move again. Just be careful not to bang your head against anything or you may find more in your hair than you wanted.

Dear Auntie Fizzle,

I'm a Gnomeregan exile living in Ironforge. The other day, I spotted the most beautiful gnome girl ever in Tinker Town. She had wonderful pink hair and a cute nose and... Oh my… my heart stopped. Fortunately I have a clockwork replacement in case of emergencies- such a wonderful invention. I think that someday…but I digress. Auntie Fizzle, how can I get this girl to notice me? I'm a rather shy gnome.

Master Nimbo Zintree of Ironforge (Tinker Town).

Greetings Nimbo,

Romance can be hard for anyone, but you need to remember that it's no different for gnomes. You just need the right pick-up line. Here are a few you can try:

  • "Is there an airport nearby, or is that just my clockwork heart taking off?"
  • "Where's my time-stop device, this moment should last forever!"
  • "Do you have change for 1000 gold?"

Dear Auntie Fizzle,

My husband is a warlock, and has mastered the dark arcane arts of shadow and demonology. I'm very pleased for him, but recently he has been spending more and more time with his succubus named 'Aelneth' and less with me. I'm sure there's something going on. Am I being paranoid?

Klarissa Cartwright of Stormwind.

Greetings Klarissa,

Jealousy is a powerful emotion, and most succubi are incredibly attractive. I would imagine that Aelneth is more attractive than you. But men will be men and will chase after the most attractive one. So of course you are not paranoid, and of course this situation is not tenable. The solution is simple. Either make yourself more attractive (I gather there are some surgeons in Undercity who specialize in new faces and bodies), or feed the succubus lots of muffins and cherry pie until she explodes. Easy.

Dear Auntie Fizzle,

Thank you for your wise advice last time. The murlocs have now gone from my farm. But now I have a new problem. Dwarves! A group of dwarves have set up an archeological dig in my pumpkin field, claiming there are relics of their lost civilization down there. Now, I know that the only thing in my pumpkin-field is pumpkins. What should I do?

Farmer Jack.

Greetings Farmer Jack,

I'm glad my advice worked for you last time, and I hope I can assist you again. Dwarven archeologists can be particularly stubborn, but like most infestations, they can be cleared away with a little bit of thought. Have you considered hiring goblin guards? However, here is another solution. Dwarven archeologists are investigators looking for the next clue. So all you need to do is to plant some evidence into the dig site that makes it clear that the humans had done it in Southshore with the candlestick. The dwarves will be off like a flash.